Hope for a better world….

After September 11th I remember thinking, "How could I ever EVER bring a child into this world? It is full of awful, scary, horrific people."

6 months later I was pregnant with my first child.

And then I had two more.

After the bombings at the Boston Marathon on Monday, I was reminded of my September 11th feelings.

This world is full of psychos and I've got three children IN it.  How can I ever keep them safe?

And then it hit me.

I can't.

I can't make sure that they don't get bullied at school.

I can't make sure that they don't get in a car accident.

I can't make sure that they don't get killed by a bomb while waiting at a finish line.

All I can do is teach them to be good.

I can teach them to think of others.

I can teach them the value of a human life.

I can teach them the blessing of being able to work.

I can teach them to feel gratitude for what they have and who they are.

I can teach them to love and to be loved.

I can teach them….to be good.

And then I thought, "I sure hope all the good people keep having babies. We need as much good in this world as we can get."

I'm working every day to make sure these three help this world to be a better place….

…They are my hope.

5 Years and Counting….

Five years ago today I married this guy.

Everything I wrote in that post in 2008 still stands…five years later.

Yep, even the nightly back rubs.

And as that post suggested, he does just keep getting better with age.

How I got so lucky to find "a Shane" I do not know, I'm just so so grateful.

He loves me for who I am, respects me for what I believe, and appreciates me for what I do.

The other night as we were drifting off to sleep he told me, "You're the perfect girl for me." And then he recounted all the reasons why.

Then he told me how, when he thinks about his life before me, it just seems silly and pointless.

I smiled from ear to ear in the dark.

I thought it was cute that he thought he was the lucky one because I knew the truth….

I'm the lucky one.

Round Two…the final round.

Last post on this, I swear.

This time expressing my views, not just that I would like to be able to have them without others getting angry. (which apparently I can't). :)

These are my actual views.

I know….double suicide.

But last night Shane and I were talking and he said, "Do you think it's inevitable that gay marriage is going to happen?"

I said, "Well, if I say nothing because I believe it's inevitable then it's definitely inevitable."

To my conservative friends:  Stand up for what you believe. If you don't know what you believe, figure it out. If you believe something but don't know why, figure it out. But don't allow liberal bullies to kowtow you into silence.

I am not a homophobe.

I am not a hater.

I am not a bigot.

I would never say or do anything mean or cruel to someone because of their sexual orientation.

I have gay friends.

I tend to think people are made up of more than just their sexuality. I don't like people because they are gay or because they aren't gay.  I like them because they are funny, or smart, or kind, or talented, or any number of different things. I would hate to think people like me or don't like me because I'm straight.

So when I say I'm against gay marriage you can't tell me that it's because of any of the above reasons.

It is also NOT because my church says I have to believe this way or because I think being a "good mormon" means I don't support it.

I have my own brain and I use it.

Recently I stumbled upon an article written by a Libertarian who neither supports or opposes gay marriage. She actually refuses to have an opinion on it.  But she brilliantly describes the social implications of allowing gay marriage into our society.

It's long. Really long. But if you are going to have a public opinion of gay marriage (for or against) you should read this in its entirety.  No really. If you're gonna open your mouth in public to support it or oppose it, you need to know what you're really supporting or opposing.  This is it.
(hint: it has nothing to do with equality).

http://fireflydove.wordpress.com/2009/10/12/a-libertarian-view-of-gay-marriage/

If you are for gay marriage because you think this is about equal rights, read the article.

If you are for gay marriage because you want to be PC, read the article.

If you are for gay marriage because you think it is the most kind and accepting thing to do, read the article.

If you are for gay marriage because you don't want to stand in anybody's way of what they want to do, read the article.

If you are for gay marriage because you think it doesn't really affect you, read the article.

If you are for gay marriage and you don't want to/won't read the article because you already know how things should be…you make me nervous.

I am not smarter than God.

I am not smarter than history.

Both of these demand marriage to be between a man and a woman. (if you don't believe in the one, then certainly you have to believe in the other.)

There is a reason history repeats itself.  People think they are smarter and more progressive than their foolish parents of yesteryear.

There's sort of a pattern people.  (read the article)

You should pay attention to it.   (read the article)

And if you want to tell me I'm a bigot or a jerk or a hater, just make sure you read the whole article first.

Everything she writes is the reason I believe what I believe and none of it is hateful.

The question is: Are you willing to flippantly mess with a fundamental foundation of society* because you think it would be "nice"?

For me the answer is no.



*not just our society, but any society that has ever worked

Oh yeah, I'm going there….

I didn't want to have to do this.

But I feel like I need to.

I'm gonna address the "equal rights" issue.

I know…suicide.

But I just gotta.

So this is the way I am perceiving society's view of things:

If you believe in gay marriage you are kind, loving, accepting, progressive, openminded, etc. You clearly understand the meaning of love and charity more than others. You are a good person.

If you don't believe in gay marriage you are a bigot, selfish, a hater, homophobic and imposing of your beliefs on others. You are so dumb that you can't even see that others should get the same rights that you get.  It's so clear, why don't you get it?

I could be totally off with my perceptions, but from the conversations I've had and seen and read, this is pretty accurate.

So, now on to my thoughts.  I know that you're dying to hear them.

When the subject of gay marriage first came out I thought, "I don't really care. Let them get married if they want to." But as the subject has not gone away (and is not going away any time soon) and I've had to figure out what I really believe and why, I realized this:

 I have no right to tell someone who they should or shouldn't marry.

Lest you misunderstand me, let me also state that you have no right to tell someone who they should or shouldn't marry.

Marriage is ordained of God.
And, since God is the one who is in charge, He sets the rules.
He happens to say marriage is between a man and a woman.  (research: scriptures)
God says that, not me.

I know that not everybody believes in God, but I do.

So when I say I am against gay marriage, it's not because I don't want someone to be happy or because I think I'm smarter or better or more righteous or anything. If anything my heart hurts for those having to deal with this.  I hate it and I wish nobody had to deal with this issue.  (and not in a "pity" kind of way, so don't get angry at me for that).

When I say I'm not for gay marriage it's because I answer to someone higher than my Facebook Friends.

I answer to God.

So if I disagree with you please respect that. I am following what I truly believe is right in my heart.  If you believe that supporting gay marriage is truly right in your heart, by all means follow that.

You should never ignore your conscience.

Please don't ask me to ignore mine.

Who's On Your Team?

The other day Shane shared with me an article on a talk given by Mitt Romney at BYU. I can't remember the details but essentially the talk was on core values. When Mitt had formed his company with several other men they found themselves at each others throats because they all wanted different things out of the company. They met with a business psychologist who talked them through their issues and at the end of the week told them this: When you are living out of sink with your core values you will be more stressed and unhappy and unfulfilled, no matter what your success, than if you live in sink with your core values.  "So how do we figure out what our core values are?" they wanted to know. Pick the 5 people you most admire in life and look at their values. This is how you'll know what your core values are.

I told Shane that this exercise is always boring because inevitably everyone has the same answers: Jesus Christ, Prophets, Abe Lincoln, Parents, Spouses…with maybe some small variation of that.  So he said, "Okay. Let's make it more interesting. Who'd be on your team if we rule out family and religious leaders?"

Now THAT is more interesting and a lot harder to do.  We spent the next hour picking our "team". When we picked someone we had to say why we picked them and what value they represented to us that we wanted to achieve.  So….here's my team.

Dieter F. Uchtdorf-- Okay, I know we made a rule of no religious leaders. But we both agreed to allow ONE apostle.  President Uchtdorf was my easy and obvious choice. His ability to speak to the heart of women is incredible to me. He has such a great sense of humor and love of life, while at the same time he can really drive home the importance of a certain principle. Pretty much all of my favorite conference talks of the last 4 years are from him. He rules and he was the first pick on my team.

Mitt Romney-- My second pick. I know it's ironic that it was his article that led us to talk about this, but I really wanted him on my team. His ability to lead and organize on a large scale is something I really admire. I also love that he didn't back down from being Mormon throughout his campaign, despite that massive amounts of pressure that were put on him. I also believe, without a shadow of a doubt, that he only ran for President because he knew he could help our country. Not because he wanted fame or laud or honor…he just wanted to help. To me that is incredible. There are so many stories I've heard about him, through the grapevine, of quiet kindness and goodness. I also love how faithful and devoted he is to his wife. He's just a good man.

Stephanie Nielsen-- My third pick. I was really happy with this pick. She is such an amazing example of overcoming adversity. But I think more than that, I really relate to the way she is as a mother. The value and importance she puts on her kids and on her role as a mom really speak to me. She sees the joy in the little details of motherhood and I'm grateful for her reminders of that. I am also impressed with her as a missionary. She has taken every opportunity she can to share the gospel and I love that. She is truly an amazing woman.

Merie Kamerer-- My fourth pick. Merie is the Relief Society president in our ward. And she works endlessly for the women in our area. But that is not why she is on my list. Merie is one of the most genuinely kind and caring people I have ever known. There is a story that will forever stand out in my mind to illustrate this truth. Last summer Owen was on a "selling" kick. Early in the morning, before swim team, he would drag a table outside and set up his sale. He was selling pictures for awhile. $1 per picture. Sweet Merie, unsuspectingly, came running around our block on her morning jog and came across Owen's sale. It was about this time that I happened to glance out the window. There Owen was, standing tall and explaining each picture to her and Merie was listening intently. I could tell from across the street she made Owen feel important, like what he was doing had value. She ran home to get money. And then she tried to run past Owen for like a month after that, just to see if he had another "sale" set up. I was thinking how I'd be avoiding that route if I were her, and here she was trying specifically to run past him. I hope to have such goodness some day.

Mike Oliver-- Last of all is Mike Oliver, the principle of my kids' school. Anybody that knows this school and how it is run knows that he is unique in his approach. And they also know that this uniqueness is what makes their school the amazing place it is. Mike is respectful of everyone…from the best teachers, to the smallest kindergartner, to the janitor, to the crossing guards. He treats them all with the utmost respect. He exudes happiness and love of life. He takes his job of watching out for our kids quite seriously and values parents and students alike. He constantly shows his appreciation to parents for entrusting him with their children and you always feel valued and welcomed in the school. His attitude is always so positive and the entire tone of the school is set in the right direction by him. I try to adopt his philosophies and policies with my swim team. I can't imagine taking my kids anywhere else.

So there's my team. I guess if I had to break down each person into a core value it might look something like this:

Uchtdorf- Understanding
Romney- Honorable
Nielsen- Displays the Divinity of Motherhood
Kamerer- Genuine Goodness
Oliver- Leads with Love

Here was Shane's list--
Jeffery R. Holland
Robert Krogh (an old mission companion)
Ronald Regan
Tea Cup (fictional character from "Their Eyes Were Watching God")
Merril Dayton (my ex-husbands dad…how awesome is that!)

It was a really fun conversation and took a lot of thought, but it was worth it. I think it's important to figure out what you value and why and try to align your life with your core values so you are living in sink.

So…who would be on your team?

Oh NO! Mr. Peeps!

Yesterday I was in my room and Livy came running in, in a panic.

"MOM! Mr. Peeps fell. Morgan accidentally knocked him over."

You see, our Mr. Peeps (elf on the shelf) is different than other people's.  He looks like Santa and is made of wood and is not allowed to be touched.  If you touch him…he goes away.

So I rushed in to find Morgan bawling, Owen standing in awe, and Mr. Peeps face down on the couch.

It looked like a crime scene….albeit a hilarious one.

Morgan was certain she had killed him.

I ushered the kids out and told them I needed to help Mr. Peeps up.  Morgan went back into her room wailing.  Really, you would have thought Jersey had died or something.  I "helped" Mr. Peeps up onto the shelf where he felt safer and explained that to the kids.

No matter how many times I told Morgan he was okay and that he wasn't going to go away (I think that was her fear) and that Mr. Peeps knew it was an accident, she would not stop crying.  It took a good 10 minutes for her to calm down and realize all was well.

Yikes.

Halloween 2012

Halloween.

It's come and gone.

I always like November 1st.

There are plenty of things I don't like about Halloween. 

But lots that I do.

I love the weather.

I love the sense of community with everyone out and about.

And I love how excited my kids get about their costumes.

Morgan wanted to be "Midget Joe" this year (a Dayton Family folklore character), but when I came home from the store with things for the other kids' costumes and explained they don't have "Midget Joe" paraphenalia at the store she was disappointed.  I told her they do have a devil costume or a cat costume, and she got very excited and wanted to switch to a devil right away.

Livy of course helped her put her "outfit" together as Morgan explained she wanted to be a "cute" devil.  And then she proceeded to tell me through the evening about other devil costumes she saw that "didn't even look like devils."  Clearly she is the real deal and they are not. (I must say, this costume is fitting for her at this stage in her life.  Hard, hard, hard this one has been!)

I think Owen rocked the Werewolf costume pretty well.  He really likes to stay in character when he wears a costume. :)  He didn't even recognize himself when he looked in the mirror.  It freaked him out a little bit.

Olivia's number one goal every Halloween is to scare her cousin Tatum.  She can't wait to get her make up on and look scary so she can run over and freak Tatum out.  As we get ready she devises all kinds of plans to sneak into Tatum's room and scare the heck out of her.  She doesn't ever carry them out, she just likes to talk about them.  She couldn't really talk with her teeth in and her jaw started hurting from holding them in all night.  But she would not take them out…it would "ruin her costume."  So committed that one.

Ready for Trick of Treating.

Everyone in character?  Good.

Dividing up the spoils.

Until next year…..