I believe it is this thought process alone that is bringing down our entire society.
Everyone is "entitled" to this or that.
I "deserve" a nice home. I'm "entitled" to a nice car. It's my "right" to have an iphone. I "have to" watch my tv shows. I "deserve" to make X amount of dollars. And on and on.
This mentality will prove to be our destruction...if we don't change it in ourselves and our kids.
Last night Shane and I were watching "Kate: Her Story" (of Jon and Kate Plus 8) and in the interview Kate said, "My children deserve life served to them on a gold platter." I wanted to punch her in the face for saying this. Children, and people in general, "deserve" 3 things.
1. To be loved
2. To be clothed
3. To be fed
Everything, and I mean everything, outside of that is a privilege.
Unfortunately our American minds have begun to consider most American luxuries as rights.
Consider the difference between my thought process last year and this year.
Last year:
Kids: "Mom, we've hardly even watched any tv today. It's not fair! Please just let us watch one more show."
Me: (internal thought--Most kids watch way more tv than my kids. I'm sure one more show won't hurt them.) Sigh, "Okay. One more show."
What just happened was I fed their "entitlement" by giving in to the idea that they should get to watch one more show, and I bought into it too because in my mind my kids deserved a similar amount of tv as other kids.
This is a small example of something that happened in many other areas of their life as well, and I know happens in the lives of kids all around me.
Now consider something that happened yesterday.
Yesterday: (while doing skills)
Kids: "Can I take out the garbage?" "No I want to take it out." "NO, I do!" (taking out the garbage is one of the chores they can do for an extra token).
Me: "Well, whoever gets done with their skills first can pick their extra job first."
They raced as fast as they could to finish their skills work because they wanted the "privilege" of taking out the garbage.
It was almost unreal to hear my kids arguing about who got to take out the garbage. But it made me so happy. They are starting to see work as a privilege...which it most definitely is.
I used to think that giving privileges to my kids showed that I loved them, when in fact, it hurts them. Privileges always have to be earned or life gets confusing and actually, quite unenjoyable.
This is true for kids and grown ups.
When my kids just got computer time, tv time, junk food, fruit snacks, toys, etc. for no other reason than that it was their "right", they were unhappy. They couldn't enjoy it because they hadn't earned it and it always left them unsatisfied and wanting more.
Now when they get one of those things they are able to truly enjoy it and on a whole different level. So what I have "given" them is something even greater.
Much greater.
What a privilege. :)
5 comments:
Love it, Dixie! I've been contemplating our feelings of entitlement as Americans and what it is doing to our society. Scary. I placed a request on "Tiger Mother" at the library. Can't wait to read it. :)
Great post. I used to think, "I'm entitled to oreos when they go to bed because I deserve it." :) Hehehe. Come to think of it, I still think most moms are entitled to oreos... Being a mom is tough. Oreos are the reward. :)
But yeah, I like the idea that work is a privledge.
So with your new outlook on things and chores and skills etc....I am sure you have come up with some kind of chart at home right? would you like to share it with the rest of us?
I agree 100%.
In fact, I was just at Target yesterday, wanting to buy Emma a little toy, and then realized that I needed her to EARN it first, so that she doesn't ever feel like she just GETS things because she is Emma.
That mentality can really destroy children.
Work is a privilege, for sure, but TV, and the media in general has tended to make it a "dirty" word and idea. I'm so thankfull every day that I CAN get up and work. But, work that is FORCED rather than chosen is something that can cause revolt. Love the way they are learning to recognize that they WANT to work. It feels good!
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