Lessons Learned

Thursday nights Shane and I play on a co-ed softball team.

It's a lot of fun and the kids love the chance they get to run around the ball park with other kids and play in the dirt.

They've also discovered the snack bar.

I've made it clear that I'm not giving them money to buy stuff at the snack bar (even though all the other parents do and I'm just a big meanie!)

Livy and Owen remembered they wanted to bring money and get something from the snack bar last night, so they each grabbed a dollar out of their piggy bank.

But Morgan is broke.

I think she's got 17 cents to her name.

When we got to the field, Morgan immediately broke into tears: "I want to get something too! I want money!"

I offered that if she were willing to do a job for me I could probably help her out.

"NO!" She shouted.  "I want to get a treat!" And then she crumpled into my arms and cried.

Oh how I wanted to just give her a dollar.  It's a dollar.  What's the big deal?

With that little dollar I could buy:

• my daughter's immediate affection
• my way out of an embarrassing public situation 
• the peace of mind that I'm nice and not a big meanie

But then I remembered I don't want to do the easy thing, I want to do the right thing.  The thing that will pay off later.  The thing that will teach her and help her to grow.  And for now, that's the harder thing.

I told her I was sorry, but I couldn't give her a dollar.

With that, I ran out to the field to start the game.  (I was glad I was able to do that because allowing time for her to deal with the situation is essential.  And if I'm right there with her it's so much harder to not want to try to fix it.)

When I came back in she had fully recovered to her happy self.  Olivia had bought some Skittles and, hating to see any soul suffer, she shared with Morgan.

I realized at that moment why it was so important for me to withhold that dollar:

1. Morgan learned how to control her emotions when things didn't go her way.
2. She learned that money has value and if she wants something, she has to work for it.
3. Olivia got the chance to share and build a bond of love and friendship with her sister.

When we immediately give in to the demands of our kids to ward off a tantrum we do them no favors.  I have noticed they are always worse when I do this.  

When we do this we are rewarding them when they are out of control so that we don't have to hear it.  

But what's worse than that is we water down the lessons that they so desperately need to be learning at a young age and that will help them for the rest of their lives.

Is it hard to see our kids disappointed and unhappy?  

Yes.  It's the worst.  I hate it.

But I would so much rather have them learn these lessons over Skittles than over a job or a marriage or any other things later in life.

Hard now, better later.

It's worth it.

She's worth it.