Becoming Chinese.....

A few weeks ago my sister-in-law Annie sent me THIS article.

Take 5 minutes and read it.

Seriously, read it.

It has changed my life.

Ok.  If you can get over being offended by the title of the article, and get past some of the cultural abnormalities like calling your child "garbage" to "motivate" them, then we can get to the meat of what is really great about this article.

Don't just write it off because there are things you disagree with, look at what is true in here and really analyze your parenting style versus hers.

Western parents really could learn a lot.

There are so many different aspects to address in this article, but for now I will just address one.

My favorite paragraphs is this:

What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up.


I think this single paragraph, if addressed by the Western world, could make all the difference in the lives of our children and the future of our country.


We do this.  We TOTALLY do this.  We give up as soon as our kids resist.  We're afraid of seeming strict or mean.  We're afraid of CPS being called on us because we make our kids do something that makes them cry.  So as soon as they cry we either feel bad and say, "Okay, never-mind."  Or we get frustrated and say, "Forget it!"  Or we're just too tired (or distracted) to deal with it so they get away with whatever it is without even a word on our part.


What have we just taught our kids?  Several things:


1.  When things get hard, just quit.
2.  You're not worth my time, effort, or energy.
3.  You aren't good at _________ anyway.
4.  Laziness is ok.
etc.


Probably not the messages we mean to, or want to, send our kids.  


But I assure you, they are being sent.


So here's the thing.  Parenting NEEDS to, HAS to, be proactive. 


And you, as the parent, have to know what you are doing and why you are doing it.  Your motives have to come from the right place and they are what drive you.


Proactive parenting is the solution to many, if not most, of our parenting woes.


You can't facebook, blog, text, work, etc. and parent on the side.


It just doesn't work.


So let me just tell you how things have changed since we've become more Chinese here at our house.


When the kids get home from school they finish up homework, have a  healthy snack that I have prepared for them (which is mostly just a vegetable and it's the ONLY choice they have if they want a snack).  After snack they work on "skills".  Skills are lots of different things: math, geography, running, splits, reading, etc.  They work on skills for 1- 1 1/2 hours.  Once they are done with skills they have time to play until 5pm, at which point they need to be home.  They don't get TV time, except for one hour on Saturday morning, and they have chores to do too.


We have been doing "skills" for about 3 weeks now.  Let me tell you what has happened:


1. Olivia, who has been failing all of her subtraction tests at school (anywhere between 54%-68%) just came home last week with a 100% on her subtraction test.  She is practicing daily to be able to do the splits and she has just declared that she would like to win the City swim meet this summer. (we do swim skills twice a week).
2. Owen, who has been on the cusp of reading for a LONG time but just got too frustrated with it, (which means I got too frustrated too) has now begun to read.... a lot.  He is becoming more focused and self controlled and has become more respectful and obedient as well.  He cried his brains out the first day of swim skills and I think the Lifeguard thought I was the meanest person in the world, but I would not let him get out until he finished the set I had given him.  He has now taken 11 seconds off his 25 yd freestyle time already and was BEAMING yesterday after swim skills with his accomplishment.  He kept saying, "I can't believe I could do that!"  
3.  Morgan, well....Morgan is tough.  She is testing boundaries more than the other two, but she comes around and even asks when we are doing skills.  I think this is more because I'm not as certain about what to give her or exactly how to push her.  But we'll figure it out soon.


They eat better, they listen better, they are happier and we are all happier.


I'm telling you, it's been amazing.


When I know exactly who I am as a mom and what I expect from my kids, they do so much better.


I don't waffle on my expectations, I know what they can do and I expect them to do it.


And they do.


Try becoming a little more Chinese.


You'll be glad you did.

(...and even though they may complain, your kids will be glad too.)