Thirsty?

While we were at Greer Shane was pretty well confined to his bed a majority of the time.  The pain and the pain medication left him in a pretty bad state.  So let's all just remember that as I tell you this story.  He looked a little like this. :)

One morning he was clipping his fingernails into a cup.  He didn't want to get up to clip them but he didn't want them all over the bed either (which I appreciated), so the cup was his solution.  I, however, told him I thought it was disgusting that he was clipping his nails into a cup.  It just grossed me out.

Fast forward to the late afternoon.  Shane was still in bed and needed me to get him some pain medication.  I got his pills and grabbed "the cup" off the night stand, not remembering anything from earlier in the day.  I filled it with water from the bathroom faucet and gave Shane his pills without another thought.  He thanked me and started drinking and then started spitting the water out, back into the cup.  I thought he was doing this because I got the water from the bathroom faucet and not from the kitchen but it still seemed like a  big reaction to me so I asked, "What's wrong?"

"Just take this away please." He frantically handed the cup out to me.

"Why?" I asked again, still not understanding, and then it hit me.

AGHHHHHHHH!!!   SICK!

My dry heaves started to kick in and even more so as I dumped out the water and fingernails into the kitchen sink and had to wash them down. (okay, I'm still dry heaving as I type this. so gross!)

He claims he didn't actually drink any, he just happened to glance down as he started drinking and saw the fingernails floating all around.

So let this be a lesson to you...no fingernails in cups I tell you!

It's just safer that way.

The Shiny New Knee...

Most people don't know that Shane has had chronic knee pain for the last 17 years of his life.

Chronic, constant, unrelenting knee pain.

He tore his ACL at age 21 and didn't get surgery for a year.  And when he did get the surgery it went bad…very very bad.  It caused massive arthritis and bone spurs so severe that just walking was  painful.  Heck, just sitting was painful!

He rubs my back, I rub his knee.

He has done all he can to work through it and live as normal of a life as he can.  He's run and biked and played basketball and volleyball and everything else, always paying for it in a major way the next day/week.

He worked diligently to try to keep it strong but it just kept getting worse and worse, the pain more and more severe until he finally made the decision…"I've got to get the surgery now."

Most doctors don't like to do total knee replacements on people under 40 years old because they only last a certain amount of time, but Shane's knee is so bad that the doctor agreed it would be good to do now.

Unfortunately when you decide you want the surgery "now" you have to figure out a time in your life that you can have a month or more to recover and you have to get on the doctor's schedule and "now" for us meant about 6 or 7 months after the decision was made.

It felt like it was never really going to happen, but wouldn't you know it, it actually did come.  It came on Monday, July 16th at 8 am.

Shane got himself a new knee.

The recovery has been rough, though not many people outside our home would know it.  He has shown up to the kids' 4 hour long swim meet (2 days after getting home from the hospital), to the Pioneer Day celebration at the ward, and to Sacrament meeting today.  At each event he put on a smile and talked to everyone who had questions but I could tell he was putting on a good show.  He was kind and good natured through it all.  Nevertheless, the minute we walked through the door he collapsed, so exhausted and in so much pain he could barely move.

I told him today that perhaps he shouldn't do so much and I think he now agrees.

There is a long road of recovery still ahead, but the promise of being able to use his knee, not only to do things he hasn't been able to do in years, but to live without chronic pain, is something that makes him so excited he can hardly stand it.

It makes me pretty excited too.

I'll make sure to post a picture of us playing tennis, snowboarding, and hiking Kilimanjaro some day.

At least now it's a possibility. :)

Room Rules...

Listen, when you live in a house full of one brother you have to have some pretty strict room rules to make sure everyone is on board with your standards.  Leave it to Olivia and Morgan (but we all know mostly Olivia) to make sure things are clear.

Several months ago she posted this sign on her door:

I believe my favorites are:

#4--No Smoking (you know, since most of us here have a problem with that she just wants to make sure we keep it outside I guess)

#8--No picking noses (just a general good rule of thumb)

#11--No Junking…so important that it had to be added as rule #11 of "10 Room Rules"

Owen couldn't stand idly by without a few rules of his own so he created a sign as well.  It looks like this:

I know it doesn't have quite the flare that Olivia's and Morgan's has but I think he gets his point across pretty well.  

Maybe Shane and I should create some room rules of our own.

I have a few ideas…

The Jerz….

(Photo by Damian Dayton)

People who blog about their pets are so annoying.

So sue me.

This is Jersey.

Damian took a bunch of candid pictures of my family one day and one of my favorites was this one of Jersey.  That's when I knew…I really love my dog.

I never understood people who loved their dogs "like they were part of the family".

We had dogs growing up, but they were always backyard mangey mutts that weren't allowed inside.  I'm not exactly sure why my parents had them because none of us seemed to appreciate having them.

Nonetheless, because of this experience I never intended on having a dog.

Then I had to dog-sit the litter of puppies that Jersey was born in and Morgan and I fell in love with Jersey ("the cow puppy").

She was just so cute.

With some finagling I talked my dad into letting us have Jersey at the apartment and the deed was done.

We became a dog family.  An INSIDE dog family.

Unheard of.

Since then Jersey really has become a part of our family.  I can't imagine life without her.

In the beginning I told Shane I couldn't bring myself to fully love her because she could get hit by a car or run away at any time and I didn't want to cry over a dog.   But somewhere along the line she worked her way into my heart anyway and if something happened to her I really would cry…a lot.

She's the best dog.

I know there are a lot of people who don't understand loving a dog like this and all I can say is, I get it…

….but you're really missing out.

Remember, they are learning...

I had a good friend visiting this weekend.  While she was here we talked about the fact that everyone has their own parenting style.  She asked me what my "style" was and I explained a few basic ideas I try to stick to:

• Say "no" as little as possible, but when I do say "no" know why I'm saying it.
• Be gentle but firm.
• Give/show lots of love.

I was realizing later that there is one overarching idea that governs my parenting, especially when the kids are acting up.  It is this:

Remember, they are learning.


If I can remember this while I am parenting I can always parent in a better way.  I can remember that they are trying to figure things out instead of being irritated that they don't already know it.

Here is a simple example.  When Morgan is lying on her floor crying because making her bed is "just too hard" I have several approaches to choose from:

1.  I can white-knuckle patience.  This never goes well because inevitably I will be "nice" at the beginning and then when she doesn't change her behavior, and fast, I get irritated that she doesn't appreciate how "patient" I'm being and then I parent poorly.

2.  I can just get irritated that she's whining and crying about a task as simple as making her bed and bully her into doing it. "Just make it now before I give you something to really cry about!"

3. I can be degrading. "Look, we all have to make our beds, it's not like it's hard to do. Just wait until you have to take care of a whole family, then you'll know what hard is."

But here is what I try to do (I'm not always perfect at this, but I do try):

4.  I look at Morgan and remember things that feel hard to me.  Times that I want to cry or have cried because things just seem "too hard".  I have to get to that place emotionally before I proceed or else I will still be in "white knuckle patience mode" and it will be fake. Once I get my heart to the right place emotionally, then I lay down on the floor next to her and say, "Sometimes making your bed just feels really hard doesn't it?"  and she'll say, "YES!"  And I say, "I know.  Sometimes I hate making my bed."  Then I'll gather her in my arms and tell her it's okay to feel that way.  Then I tell her we should cry really hard about it for 1 minute.  "Let's try to get all our crying out and then we'll make the bed."  Usually she finds it quite hard to cry at this point because she already feels so much better being validated in her emotions.  And if she tries to cry she ends up laughing.  And then making her bed doesn't seem quite so hard.

She's learning.  She's learning how to deal with emotions.  She's learning how do tasks like making her bed.  And if I'm just yelling at her instead of teaching her, how will she ever learn?

I try to remember this when my kids:

• Can't sit still.
• Fight with each other.
• Spill the milk.
• Have messy rooms.
• Don't listen to me.
• Are dishonest.
• Cry over things that seem small.
• Want to "help" me with things.

And more.  

They are learning.  And if I can remember that they are learning and I'm their teacher then I take my role more seriously.  If they are struggling then perhaps I need to step up my teaching.  

I also try to allow TIME for the learning process to happen and not expect perfection when a lesson has been taught.  

Some things take awhile to really learn.

…Like parenting. :)

White and SO Nerdy...

So I've noted, as of late, that it's actually kind of cool to be "nerdy".

Everyone claims, "Oh, I'm such a nerd.  I love comic books and movies like "The Avengers".

Geek chic is way in.

People, when nerdy-ness is the norm, it's not nerdy.

I think we have lost site of what true nerds look like, so let me help you out.

They look like this:

And they do things like this: 

True nerds spend their weekend, while their kids are away with their dad, staying home and putting together a "mystery puzzle".  

This puzzle had a story and a code we had to crack... and crack it we did!

We had two weekend-nights completely kid free and Shane said we could do anything we wanted and I said, "I want to stay home and do a puzzle and eat brownies and ice cream."

Luckily Shane likes to do that too!

So if it's cool to be a nerd then Shane and I are the coolest.  Unfortunately I think it's only cool to be a certain type of nerd and I do believe I have missed the boat on that.

Oh well, truth's out…

I'm a nerd!

…And shut your face if you're making rude comments like "I already knew that."  You can only know it once I reveal it. :)

Nigar & Bedar...

Shane has a really cool job.

He teaches people from all over the world.

We now have friends from China, Kurdistan, Iraq, Japan, Brazil, Russia, Korea, etc.  You name it and Shane more than likely has a friend from there. (Yep, even Mongolia!)

I suppose you could say he teaches them English, but really he teaches them hope.

He fills them with courage.

And he inspires them to do more.

He is a really great teacher (and I promise you that is more than my unbiased opinion…it's a fact :) ).

Every semester he usually has one or two very special students.

Bedar (the guy in this picture) was in his class last year and I remember Shane telling me about him.  This year, as chance would have it, Nigar (Bedar's wife) happened to be placed in Shane's class as well.

Bedar and Nigar are from Kurdistan.

If you don't know where Kurdistan is and are as geographically challenged as I am, it is actually partially inside 4 different countries: Iraq, Turkey, and two other places that I can't remember right now.  So there's your geography lesson for the day. (Shane's brother Seth is probably cringing right now….sorry Seth!)

Shane always tells me about his special students and he knows which ones I will really like….he's never been wrong.  He knew I would like Bedar and Nigar.  They came for dinner last night and I didn't want them to leave.  They are fascinating and really cool.

I wish that you could see personalities in pictures.  If you could, you would be able to see two of the most amazing 23 year olds you have ever met.

They have big plans for their country.  They are both Fulbright Scholars and are so smart it's unbelievable.  Bedar just finished a two year Law School program at ASU in one year.  This is a guy that just learned English!!!

Nigar told us how she has to talk to herself in the mirror "like a crazy person" to keep going sometimes because it is so hard to be in a foreign land--going from being the smartest person in her class to feeling like a child who can barely communicate.  But they are driven and focused and determined.  They have already sacrificed so much so that they can be a force for good.

I am certain that their country will be better because of them.

I know I am.