Skillz

Have you ever been cussed out by someone in regards to your child?

Well, we can check that off my bucket list.  :)

Every Wednesday and Saturday we do Swim Skills.

On about our 3rd day of Swim Skills Owen was bawling his brains out.  He did NOT want to do it.

He started crying the moment he got in because he thought it was all "too hard".  (please keep in mind he was saying this about stuff he has done many times before.)

I wouldn't let him off the hook and I encouraged him to keep going.

He kept crying.

I told him he could not get out of the pool until he finished.

He kept crying.

I stayed firm.

He kept crying.

Then, I hear a shout from across the pool deck from some 20-ish year old kid:

"What the h@(* is your problem?"

I looked around.  Where was this voice coming from?  And what in the? ...is it aimed at me?

When I got over my confusion and honed in on the origin of the voice we made eye contact and he continued:

"You're pushing him like he's in the effing ('cept he didn't say effing) Olympics and he's 5 years old."

First I thought "Actually he's 6," because that's how my brain works, but then I told him to watch his mouth.

Then I asked him if he was a parent.

He said nothing.

I said, "That's what I thought."

He didn't like that and he walked away pretty angrily.

And it hit me right there:  Us American's have the HARDEST time making kids do hard things.


It is hard.

I hate seeing Owen cry and feeling like I'm being mean.

Except the important part is I know I'm not being mean.  I know what he can do.  I know why I'm wanting him to do it.  And THAT is essential to the process.

What is mean is allowing my children to spend all their time watching TV, eating junk food, letting them quit and back out of everything, etc. because they are scared or think it's hard or just don't "feel like" doing something. It never gives them a chance to learn and grow and believe in themselves.

Is swim skills about having him do 20 laps?  No.

It's about helping him to discover that he can indeed do "hard" things.  Things he didn't think he could do.  And when he does it, he will feel so good and start to realize he can do anything.

Want to know what's awesome?

Owen loves swim skills now.

He told me the other day he wishes we had swim skills every day.

He's started to see his own progress, and it feels good.

He keeps checking his muscles, certain they are getting bigger by the minute.

He is a different kid now.  Completely different kid. (even in his class at school).

At the end of swim skills we always do sprints.  Yesterday I told Owen he had to make it across the pool with 2 breaths or less.  And Olivia had to make it across in 1 breath or less.

And we weren't leaving until they did it. (My swim coaches made me swim with no breath at age 6, so I knew this was completely possible).

Owen tried his first one.

3 breaths.

Tried again.

3 breaths...and a decent amount of frustration.

I decided to let him rest a bit while Olivia tried hers.

Olivia made it in NO BREATHS! (this is another post, but needless to say, she was ecstatic!)

Owen got up and tried again.

He made it in 1 breath! And he took 5 seconds off his fastest time. 5 SECONDS!!!

Pure joy. Pride. Excitement. (That's describing him and me).

He kept saying, "I can't believe I could do that!"

I could see his confidence in himself growing before my eyes.

It was like magic.

Do I do swim skills or academic skills with the kids so they can win contests?

No.

I do it so they can win confidence, self esteem and happiness.

And guess what?

We're winning.
















We are still becoming Chinese over here.

I love it.

The kids love it.

It's a beautiful thing.

The Reading Bucket

First off, I must apologize for my last post.

I'm afraid I have offended some by exposing part of my belly. (at least I think it was my belly).



Anyway, on to cuter things.

The other day Owen stayed home from school sick. (that's not the cute part)

I heard him reading to Morgan and turned around to see.

Okay, here's the cute part....

He was reading to her in this bucket:

I don't know why they felt the need to squeeze themselves into this bucket for reading, but whatever.

Now you all want a reading bucket, don't you?

Well as long as you don't look like this:

...then you'll probably fit just fine.

Okay, okay...I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.  

No more.

A Little Valentine's Lesson...

So the other day, I casually mentioned to Shane that I had never received a box of chocolates.

Ever.

And I said it might be nice to get one for Valentine's Day, you know, if he was wondering.

Maybe one that looked like this....

Well, okay.  Maybe it didn't go exactly like that.  

It could be that the conversation went a little more like this:

"Hey hon, I have never gotten a box of chocolates... ever.  And this year I would like some.  In fact, I would like this one, right here (handing him a photographic advertisement).  It needs to be this one.  The red, heart shaped one.  From See's.  Really, I want it." (To be fair, I think it was Fast Sunday and I was really hungry.)

I just wanted to make sure we were clear, that's all.

No confusion=no disappointment come said Valentine's Day.

Well wouldn't you know it, my sweetheart came through. 

It was the same one as I saw in the picture! 

Spectacular!!!

It was waiting on my heart shaped plate on Valentine's morning and I couldn't have been happier.

Fast Forward....3 days later.

Uh oh, my heart shaped candy box looks like this: 

And now I look like this: 

Honey, maybe next year when I demand ask kindly for the red, heart shaped box of chocolates you should buy me flowers and tell me they were all out of chocolates.

For everyone's sake...

Becoming Chinese.....

A few weeks ago my sister-in-law Annie sent me THIS article.

Take 5 minutes and read it.

Seriously, read it.

It has changed my life.

Ok.  If you can get over being offended by the title of the article, and get past some of the cultural abnormalities like calling your child "garbage" to "motivate" them, then we can get to the meat of what is really great about this article.

Don't just write it off because there are things you disagree with, look at what is true in here and really analyze your parenting style versus hers.

Western parents really could learn a lot.

There are so many different aspects to address in this article, but for now I will just address one.

My favorite paragraphs is this:

What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up.


I think this single paragraph, if addressed by the Western world, could make all the difference in the lives of our children and the future of our country.


We do this.  We TOTALLY do this.  We give up as soon as our kids resist.  We're afraid of seeming strict or mean.  We're afraid of CPS being called on us because we make our kids do something that makes them cry.  So as soon as they cry we either feel bad and say, "Okay, never-mind."  Or we get frustrated and say, "Forget it!"  Or we're just too tired (or distracted) to deal with it so they get away with whatever it is without even a word on our part.


What have we just taught our kids?  Several things:


1.  When things get hard, just quit.
2.  You're not worth my time, effort, or energy.
3.  You aren't good at _________ anyway.
4.  Laziness is ok.
etc.


Probably not the messages we mean to, or want to, send our kids.  


But I assure you, they are being sent.


So here's the thing.  Parenting NEEDS to, HAS to, be proactive. 


And you, as the parent, have to know what you are doing and why you are doing it.  Your motives have to come from the right place and they are what drive you.


Proactive parenting is the solution to many, if not most, of our parenting woes.


You can't facebook, blog, text, work, etc. and parent on the side.


It just doesn't work.


So let me just tell you how things have changed since we've become more Chinese here at our house.


When the kids get home from school they finish up homework, have a  healthy snack that I have prepared for them (which is mostly just a vegetable and it's the ONLY choice they have if they want a snack).  After snack they work on "skills".  Skills are lots of different things: math, geography, running, splits, reading, etc.  They work on skills for 1- 1 1/2 hours.  Once they are done with skills they have time to play until 5pm, at which point they need to be home.  They don't get TV time, except for one hour on Saturday morning, and they have chores to do too.


We have been doing "skills" for about 3 weeks now.  Let me tell you what has happened:


1. Olivia, who has been failing all of her subtraction tests at school (anywhere between 54%-68%) just came home last week with a 100% on her subtraction test.  She is practicing daily to be able to do the splits and she has just declared that she would like to win the City swim meet this summer. (we do swim skills twice a week).
2. Owen, who has been on the cusp of reading for a LONG time but just got too frustrated with it, (which means I got too frustrated too) has now begun to read.... a lot.  He is becoming more focused and self controlled and has become more respectful and obedient as well.  He cried his brains out the first day of swim skills and I think the Lifeguard thought I was the meanest person in the world, but I would not let him get out until he finished the set I had given him.  He has now taken 11 seconds off his 25 yd freestyle time already and was BEAMING yesterday after swim skills with his accomplishment.  He kept saying, "I can't believe I could do that!"  
3.  Morgan, well....Morgan is tough.  She is testing boundaries more than the other two, but she comes around and even asks when we are doing skills.  I think this is more because I'm not as certain about what to give her or exactly how to push her.  But we'll figure it out soon.


They eat better, they listen better, they are happier and we are all happier.


I'm telling you, it's been amazing.


When I know exactly who I am as a mom and what I expect from my kids, they do so much better.


I don't waffle on my expectations, I know what they can do and I expect them to do it.


And they do.


Try becoming a little more Chinese.


You'll be glad you did.

(...and even though they may complain, your kids will be glad too.)

Is Your Family THIS Awesome? Yeah, I Didn't Think So. :)

There's a cute little girl I know that just turned 8.

She looks a little something like this:

Turning 8 at our house is a very special thing for lots of reasons.

Of course the biggest deal is that she gets to be baptized.

But I think Olivia might think the biggest deal is that she gets a BIG birthday party! 

(something we only do every 4 years).

However, since we do them only every 4 years we go ALL out when we do them.

Unfortunately Olivia's Grandma Susan has been dying of cancer and at the beginning of this week was so sick that Olivia and I took a last minute trip to Utah to get a chance to say goodbye.  Luckily we did because she passed away this morning.  She and Olivia had a very special bond and I'm grateful for the chance we got to go.  I had just resolved that her party would be a little less "spectacular" and that was okay.

My mom and sisters, however, didn't think any such thing should happen.

They wanted Olivia's party to be even MORE spectacular!

So they stepped up and rocked her birthday world.

But before they could do that, I have to say I came home from our trip to Utah to a SPOTLESS house.  My sweet Shane made sure everything was clean...not clean to boy standards, but super clean!

I was SO impressed and grateful because I had no energy to do it.

He had also installed a quiet fill toilet kit in our bathroom and kept Morgan and Owen thoroughly entertained while we were gone.

Seriously, how did I get the best husband in the world?

(I don't like to do braggy husband posts, but I just couldn't help it. Sorry.)

Anyway, Olivia, being the girly-girl she is, decided she wanted a "spa party".  

So we called it "Olivia's Pamper Me Party" and went from there.

My mother made 10 spa robes so each of the girls could have one.  10!!!  I think it took her 2 solid days and they turned out so dang cute it's not even funny. 

She has some extra material so she decided, why not make them matching gift bags?

WOW!

But just in case that wasn't enough she also made matching eye masks too.  

Can you even stand it? 

My oldest sister Dana knows I love to do cakes for the kids' birthdays and offered to do this for me. 

I was just planning on buying some grocery store cake since I wouldn't have time to even think about making one but Dana wouldn't have it.

She made this masterpiece along with 10 giant cupcakes for each of the girls to take home. 

OH. MY. GOSH.

My family is amazing.

But it doesn't stop there.

After playing some games, each of the girls started their "Spa Experience".

They each got a facial, manicure and pedicure.

My mom, sisters Dana, Allyson & Jenny, along with my sis-in-law Lana and adopted sister Julie (who is Allyson's sis-in-law) all came to be our Spa Workers.

And they were FABULOUS!!!

I didn't make any assignments they just all jumped right in and started doing their thing.

I am so grateful for that.

Here is Olivia getting her facial from Julie.  Julie is a massage therapist so whoever got her was lucky because they got some lovely face massage as well. :) 

Don't even think we would forget the cucumbers.

Puffy eyes be gone! 

Pedicures were full out, performed by my mom and Lana.  

They included foot spa soaks, exfoliating foot rubs, foot and calf massage with lotion, and a nail polish of your choice.

Look at these girls relax!  They loved the "pampering". 

Manicures were done by Allyson and Dana, our resident nail experts.

Hand soaks, fingernail buffing, cuticle oil and fingernail trim/filing when needed.

Then they picked out their favorite color and also got some nail art stickers! 

After all the pampering we "beautified."

Julie is also a Mary Kay girl, so she had fun doing some make up on the girls.

Lana did hair and the rest of us tried to help with hair and make up when we could.  Jenny is actually really good at the hair and make up too.

Our final result was a bunch of beautiful and pampered 7-8 year old girls.

Aren't they adorable?

I don't know how Livy has so many pretty friends. 

It was the perfect day.

Livy loved her party, her robes and her beautiful cake.

She told me the party was even better than she thought it would be.

Me too Livy, me too.

Thank you so much to each of you wonderful ladies who went above and beyond my wildest dreams to make Olivia's birthday so special.  

We will never forget all you did for us at this crazy, emotional, hard, exciting time.

My family is truly the best.

We love you!

..........

And Morgan was happy because even though she wasn't invited to the party, Grandma Dian made her a robe & eye mask too. :)

Snow Trip

Here are some pictures from our snow trip to Flagstaff last weekend.

Oh, what's that?  You don't see any snow?

Yeah.

Olivia looked high and low.

We did find a pancake size bit of left over snow.

Don't even worry, the kids made 3 snowballs out of it.

I suppose it makes the snow trip legit. 

I did know before going that there would most likely be no snow since it hadn't snowed in awhile and temps were in the fifties, but it was our only weekend available and we had already promised the kids we would take a snow trip this year, so we gave it a shot. 

We stayed in the Little America Hotel where we got a smokin' deal on Priceline.

I must say I was really impressed with the hotel, especially for the price! ($65/night)

The kids thought it was the Taj Mahal.  Loved it.

Plus, the beds and pillows were super comfortable! 

They had lights up on 100's of trees, the lobby was all decked out and they had a huge fireplace to lounge by.  Here Shane and I are lounging and I'm holding his face so he doesn't try any funny business since all the pictures before this were goofy faces.  Look how handsome he is when he acts normal. :)  Love you babe. 

Buddy the Elf paid us a visit. :)  

Olivia thought it was fun to pose for this picture because we were laughing, but when she saw the picture, and Shane mentioned she looked like a boy, she was horrified and wouldn't put her hair up in her hat the rest of the trip. 

Don't we look special?

I was just proud that I was able to get us all in.

Sheer talent. 

There was a big plasma screen TV in the room, which, as you can see, completely pleased the kids.

"Hey everyone, let's go to Flagstaff so we can watch TV!" 

Here we are leaving room 287.

The kids wanted to show their sadness by crying for a picture.

Lovely. 

Even though there was no snow, we had a great time.

Maybe next year we can see some of that white stuff!

Sold

Every once in awhile I have a great idea.  This week I had one of those.

A stroke of genius really.

I decided my kids should actually earn the money they use to buy each other gifts this year.  Instead of saying, "Here's $5 for you to buy a gift for your brother/sister," I figured they should work for it so it meant something to them.

But what to do?

I'm a firm believer in NOT paying kids to do things they should do anyway like clean their rooms, make their beds, do chores, be "good", etc.  I thought of creating "extra jobs" like wiping down baseboards and stuff, but I decided that fell into the same category as "earning their keep".  But what can 4, 6 & 7 year olds do to earn money then?  I kept my mind a thinkin' and I came up with a plan.

What are my kids really good at?  Looking adorable (irresistible in fact) for 1-2 minute increments of time.  How could I exploit that and help them earn some sweet cash in the process?

Selling cookies!

They were totally down with the idea--quite excited in fact.  Everyone had a job:

Job 1: Hold the cookie basket and speak to the customer (this was the most important and coveted of the jobs--the actual selling.  They all wanted to do it.)

Job 2:  Hold the sign that clearly explained 3 cookies for $1 with a Santa that was telling you that you were "lucky". (which indeed you are because 3 cookies for a dollar is a smokin' deal).

Job 3:  Hold the money can up for the sweet cash to be deposited.

Job 4: (mom's job) make all the cookies and wrap them up all cute-like.

We did two days of selling.  The first day (Saturday), I thought went pretty well.  We sold about $14 worth in just under an hour.  Today we doubled our amount to sell ($28 worth) and sold out in 35 minutes! 

We did two things different today:  One, I dressed them all up.  I know this made a big difference.  And two, I let them take turns "selling". (the first day Livy did all the talking per her insistence, but I thought it would work well to change it up).  I am certain this made a big difference too.

Here's the sales team:

Could you say no to this? 

Or this? 

How 'bout THIS?! 

Morgan was our secret weapon.  When she was in charge of selling NOBODY could say no.  

We didn't get many "no's", but Livy and Owen did get some.  

Morgan got none.

I told her to speak real loud so people could hear her.  So she spoke real loud in her raspy, perfect, Morgan voice and I could literally watch grown men, teenage boys, grandma's, anyone that was standing there, melt into puddles and run for their wallets.  She was proud that she wasn't even being shy.

The kids loved this experience.  They think selling is fun and pretty easy.  They were SO excited to count their money at home and figure out how much they made.  They all made enough to buy each other gifts and maybe even have a little left over.

So, as Livy said when we got home, "This was a great success!"